- “Is He Too Old For Me?”
- Older men often date younger women, but everyone can benefit when the age gap is reversed
- I am 28 Dating a 50 year old
- Reasons Why Single Women in Their 40s Should Try the “Cougar” Thing. At Least Briefly.
- How Young is Too Young to Date?
LW, I think you should move on. Not trying to be a total ass, but do you want to be stuck caretaking an elderly partner while trying to parent a young child? AndreaMarie April 16, , Healthcare and lifespan is always improving and he good very well live a healthy life into his 80s. Yeah, I would be worried because this is still a pretty new relationship, and he seems pretty undecided on the kids thing. To get to the point that you are serious enough to actually have children together, AND he has made up his mind that he really wants to have kids with you, AND you have decided to start trying to get pregnant, AND you have successfully gotten pregnant and carried a baby for 9 months, he will no longer be your year old boyfriend.
He might be your year old boyfriend, or 53 or year old boyfriend. And a 6-year old with a year old dad is not an ideal situation. The only way I could see this working is if he can tell you NOW that he does definitely want to try to have kids with you, and you can develop a timeline for when that would happen and how it would work. This just seems unwise. This just seems like its not a great idea. I wrote my comment before reading yours.
You are spot on. They are in different stages in life. And then enough left over to continue to not work? AnotherWendy April 16, , 7: The life experience acquired will result in him being better parent. No no and no. Let him make that decision! An older person has the maturity to understand how really fast the kids do grow up. To me, at 50, 20 years seems like yesterday, or only 5 years ago. CatsMeow April 16, , This sounds like a heartbreaking situation.
It makes me sad to see otherwise healthy, happy couples break up over a difference in wanting children. You said this is a big departure from your last relationships, so consider it progress. Now that you know what a healthy relationship feels like, it might be easier to find it again moving forward.
Ladies, when a man tells you who he is and what he wants right off the bat, listen to him!
The more time you invest in a guy who will not give you what you want, the harder it will be to move on. This is just like my 29 friend. If the LW is truly serious about wanting children, then why is she dating a 50 year old to begin with? Brad April 16, , 1: LW first let me say that there is nothing wrong with dating someone older, even significantly older. However I think the issue of age does come into play when you want to begin a family and starting a life.
If he was 10 years older for example, you would still be in the same stage in life. However, you at 28 and he at 50 are in very different stages. Also, even if he decides he wants children with you, how active of a father do you think he could be? I know lifespan and healthcare is improving each day but he could be 70 by the time the kid hits college.
Most people are ready to retire in their mid to late 60s. What if, god forbid, he has a serious illness once he is in his 60s, are you prepared to be the caregiver to your husband in you mids? Also while raising children? I think there are 2 big things you need to address. You say you are long distance, how well do you really know him after 6 months? The most important, you have to have the children talk with him. Like Wendy said, why wait around if you know that no-children is a deal breaker. Ask him upfront and honest.
“Is He Too Old For Me?”
Let him know that children are a must for you and you need to know where he stands. They are long distance from their families, not each other. LANY April 16, , Kristen April 16, , In fact, his last one was 25 — the same exact age as his son my fiance. And let me tell you from this side: He may seem young now, and your difference may not seem that big, but it will snowball as the years pass. Lady over fifty June 20, , 7: Well, I happened upon this string of comments because I have a fifty year old SO who still thinks he wants kids, never had any before.
Tis came up on my search though its not on point, all the comments here have been informative. Women in their twenties are young enough to be his daughter. And the time to find someone, settle on her being the woman, conceiving, could easily push him into the 55 age range for a newborn child. Crazy, if you ask me — as someone outlined for you. You could end up with a six year old son with a sixty year old father.
But enough about me…. He already has been there done that. And your age difference will become more pronounced as the years pass. Have you taken a look at and had conversations with men in their seventies lately!? Have you spent any time with his friends who are also in their fifties, maybe some in the sixties? I never felt compelled to have kids. If its not this fifty year old guy, then move on, find a stable young guy. I worked with tons of them over the years.
BreezyAM June 20, , 9: He should adopt an older child. Lots of older children out there needing homes, some very messed up yes, but some just needing a home! Lady over fifty June 21, , So, no woman with child. No adoption, needs to be biologically his, and no money. Traditional child bearing kind of thing without biological link to him. And not ivf, no money, and surely not with me, there is an age cutoff. His only choice is young fertile girl. He will likely still be dreaming of being a father ten or more years from now, living in the same pathetic town,,catering to his family of origin and everyone else who wants to take advantage of his good nature.
SweetsAndBeats April 16, , Fabelle April 16, , More on the whole age issue. I love that you said this LBH.
My aunt is a widow. Last night, she said if she dated or ever remarried, she would want it to be someone without kids. I said there is nothing wrong with not having kids. Are you effing kidding me? Is that what you really think? But I was just put off by those comments. Sorry, I had to vent and I hope there are some more open minded people. Temperance April 16, , 4: I grew up in a lower-income community where many people did physical labor jobs and were worn out by My sister is pregnant now, and our parents will be younger grandparents.
Ahh, this explains why I always think of 60 as old when other people are shocked. My grandparents were either already dead or falling apart by that age, due to all the physical labor. WAY too many naysayers on this. As the birthdays roll by that difference will mean less and less. You already realize the issues and the problems can be minimized with advance planning.
Guy Friday April 16, , Bottom line-they should talk and talk soon before it gets harder to walk away. For all they know she might not be able to be a mommy with him or anyone else which would put her in a good position to have his brood to love. I see in this as win-win-win for all parties. Not to sound completely crass, but his children are very likely close in age to her. If you want kids, then walk away. But now, think seriously… Do you really want to deal with both a 70 year old and a high school graduate at the same time?
Maybe its different with dads? Many of my friends are justifiably bitter over these events. FireStar April 16, , 1: No one should live their life at the behest of someone else. I think it was on here recently a discussion about whether you put your spouse or your children first. I would say children. She loves being a mother. It suits her in every way. Do I get less attention from her because of them?
Do I need as much attention as they do? Tax Geek April 16, , 2: Have to agree to disagree here. If you put your children before your spouse, my guess is you will soon be divorced. And your children, who you were putting first, will be a product of that divorce. I could never not think of her first. I did not mean that the kids get no consideration. I meant that the most important person should be your spouse, not the kids.
I can see where that would muddy the waters. Rachel April 16, , 3: LBH, I think another point is that your daughter is pretty young right? I definitely think he should put his own relationship needs ahead of their need to not see him start another family. I do think its fucked up of a young parent to remarry and have more kids. Because 9 times out of 10 it seems the step parent favors their REAL children more — often resenting the existence of the other kids and constantly shipping them off for weekends with mommy or daddy… Yeah, it breeds resentment and hostility… None of the dozen or so blended families in my life have kids that were exactly happy about it.
Everybody constantly puts themselves, and their wants first. Leave it to the bitter gay guy who will never even have kids to actually be one of the few people to realize what a gift kids are, and to see that obvious — that putting your needs ahead of yours kids usually fucks them up.
How many fucking kids do you all need? The world is so fucking over popular! Trust me, none of your genes are all THAT great. FireStar April 16, , 3: Should the parent consider the selfish motivations of their adult children to appease them? Or is it just their welfare to consider I have sufficient means and time to spend with all kids and not their wants? I think you are mixing together two completely separate points I tried to make — 1. In your case it may not have been an issue — but what if you were opposed to your mom remarrying?
Or what if your daughter were opposed to you marrying your beau? I was 13 or 14 and frankly, selfish. There were many reasons, all of which in retrospect, were selfish.
Of course now, I realize that it was unfair of me to not want her to have a life of her own. Regardless of hindsight, I swore to myself that if I were ever in her position and had my own child in my position back then, I would always put my kid first and myself and anyone else after. Right or wrong, its always been engrained in me. My daughter is very clear in liking being the only child and not wanting that to change. She does not want siblings. Both my SO and I are in agreement that we will not be having any children in the future, so it makes the point moot, but I honestly would have a major internal struggle if I wanted more, and she after mature discussions about it still did not want me to.
The number one most important thing in the world to me is her. If she did not like my SO, I would not have ever given him a chance. I also had a dad who continually put himself first while I was a child, which did not help my feelings towards this issue. FireStar April 16, , 4: My mom put her children above all else and my brother turned into an entitled jackass.
It is different I think when you date someone who already has a child you joining a family and if you bring children into your relationship.
Older men often date younger women, but everyone can benefit when the age gap is reversed
Everyone in your family seems to be on the same page but I think I tend to agree with Tax Geek — a solid foundation of a relationship is one of the best gifts to give a child in the long run. Well, yes, obviously I would ask WHY before just handing a child the reigns to our lives. Seems like maybe you skipped the last part of my post about needing to tell the difference between childish selfishness and actual, real issues. As a bonus now though one of my greatest pleasures is spoiling my mom as a thank you for all the sacrifices she made for us. If only I knew how to get my brother to stop being a jackass.
I was afraid everyone would misread what I was trying to say and just assume I let a child run the show and give into her every wish and desire. Of course, that is not the case by any means. She is very far from spoiled or entitled. By giving her opinion value, I have given her confidence, not snotty entitlement. She actually a very well-rounded kid and not spoiled or entitled at all. I did not skip the last paragraph. You just asked for people to respond to your post, so I did. This sounds like a great idea. Addie Pray April 16, , 5: FireStar April 16, , 6: Because they can and often will turn into the older brother and sister from fucking hell.
So why bother making even more of a mess? This would be especially true in a single parent household. Not very many people do have parenting skills. Lili April 16, , 6: Temperance April 16, , 2: Lots of men seem to abandon their first families and then later throw themselves in parenting the kids in Round 2. Leroy April 16, , Their money affords them that luxury. Its kinda funny to me that so many are saying having kids later in life is so bad when we are constantly saying how bad it is to have them early in life, pre-career establishment, maturity, etc.
However, its surprising that it seems so many think that being in your late 30s, 40s or 50s is really old and almost automatically means you have no energy and a minimal life ahead of you in terms of time. Maybe my parents who are in their early 50s are not the norm, but they very much seem to be, and they are extremely active. Still work very hard, my dad bikes for miles every weekend, my mom chases after kids all weekend. Same goes for my stepparents of the same age. I see no signs of them slowing down at all for hopefully at least a few decades.
I tend to agree with you. If you can provide for your kids until they are functioning adults and you want to have kids then power to you. Sue Jones April 16, , 4: I am the poster child for older parenting…. I had a homebirth at age 41 with my only bio-child. Definitely have less energy than I used to, though we do go skiing and mountain climbing up 13 and 14K peaks with our boy though no camping trips — I do not like sleeping on the cold hard ground — used to LOVE camping It depends on the individuals.
Kristina April 16, , 1: I was told at a young age I have serious fertility issues, so I feel like my best chance to have a kid is in my 20s anyways. My dad has a friend who had his first kid at 59, with a wife in her early 30s. Also, the age gap is only going to get more dramatic in the future. But what about 38 and 60?
Or 48 and 70? I;m not saying either of those ages would make him decrepid but 38, even 48 is still young an vibrant. He might not have the desire, or energy to do the same things you want to do with your life travel etc. JK April 16, , 1: I agree with you. Health is something else to consider. I had a patient who had a much younger wife around a 30 year difference , everything was fine until the guy had a stroke, wound up in a wheelchair, almost completely dependent.
So the wife was early 30s, with a young kid, and a 60 something husband in a wheelchair, nappies etc. Around a year after that she took off taking what little money he had in the process. The older you get, the less noticeable age gap becomes. For example, a year difference between a year old and a year old is very noticeable. A year old and year old, in my opinion, not so much. And a year old and a year old can easily be on the same page. Sue Jones April 16, , 2: Someone with grown children is. I will respond in more detail when I have a moment.
I am 28 Dating a 50 year old
I think you should bring up your concerns about having children to your boyfriend. If he can get on board with it, then why not see where this goes? Age is just a number. If he says that he is dead-set on not having any more kids, you need to MOA and find someone who does want to have kids. I am kinda in the same boat as you, 28 and wanting kids but finding myself at a dead-end romantically as far as someone with similar life goals. As Wendy said, the clock is ticking loudly at this age and I hear it more every single day. As far as dating a year old…all I have to say is David Duchovny is 50 and have you seen his body?
Just a side comment re: The incidence of bipolarity, epilepsy, prostate cancer and breast cancer also increases in children born to men approaching Both dwarfism and Marfan syndrome a disorder of the connective tissue have been linked to older fathers, and according to research published in in the journal Nature Genetics, Apert syndrome a disorder characterized by malformations of the skull, face, hands and feet is a mutation caused exclusively by advanced paternal age.
Leroy April 16, , 8: I was not clear whether your man was interested in having more children. I would say that if he is, and his health is good, and he has good clean living habits, and has plenty of energy go for it! Can he be a good provider? There are so many ways for a relationship to work or not work. If the love is there and the commitment and he is open to being a dad again it can all work out.
If he smokes, is not very healthy or energetic or if he is debt ridden, then you are taking a risk. Now people can get sick and die at any age but we are playing the odds here. It is all about how one takes care of oneself and their lifestyle. When I was a kid, 50 was OLD and looked like crap.
Some people back east where I grew up are the same age as I am and seem older, they smoke, drink, eat crap, etc. They LOOK like grandparents and old people. How did his parents age? And how are his finances? Natasia Rose April 16, , 3: They seem really happy together.
I kind of feel sorry for her. Brad April 16, , 9: Christy April 16, , 5: I think we should stop trying to scare women into traditional gendet roles having children young. Yes there are biological realities, but people can have healthy children later in life, especially if you consider adoption. But women are also scared off adoption because of rhetoric. So babies before 40 it is! And now women CAN have babies older with donor eggs. She and my BIL are also older, highly educated, took time to finish extensive schooling and now have resources.
There are many ways to do this raising a family thing. So many more possibilities nowadays! Obviously he also considered how that would affect his chances of a relationship. This is clearly a thoughtful man and worth her time for however long they stay together. His children are old enough to be on their own. Perhaps the empty nest syndrome will sway him to accept the idea of having more. It would be nearly impossible for LW and her boyfriend to get approved for a baby due to his age. Sue Jones April 17, , 7: Though with a local adoption you are more likely to get someone who was the child of drug addicts etc.
Addie Pray April 16, , 6: Wow, this is really harsh. There are serious concerns for the letter writer, particularly the fact that this is a really new relationship and the gentleman is not yet certain about having a second family. Those answers have to wait. Older fathers are NOT terrible. My father was 60 when I was born. He passed away at 86, so I was in my mid-twenties.
It was sad to lose him so soon, but on the other hand, he was healthy and vital and worked full time joyfully until his cancer diagnosis. He had a lifetime of experience to draw upon in parenting including his experiences with my six older half siblings and was an amazing resource to me. I know first-hand info about what it was like growing up in the Depression, being a resident in a psychiatric ward before psychotropic drugs were created, etc. And his parents were no indication of his lifespan: My mother had me at Her sister had her son at Neither had any complications with their pregnancies nor were there any health problems for me or my cousin.
Not all women are so lucky, but the scare rhetoric seems a bit extreme. I know I benefitted tremendously from my parents being older. My parents did, too. When I met my husband he was recently separated from his then wife. What happened is over time we both softened our positions,realized who we were as a couple, became more maleable, etc. Now I did not have a kid right away. He had to get over the PTSD of his first marriage… But just saying that sometimes situations do evolve. Though if I were to do it again I would probably be more clear up front and look for a partner who wanted exactly what I wanted from the get-go.
Calle April 16, , 7: Look, the thing that concerns me more is the children issue and the money. A younger dad does not mean a better dad. This makes much more sense, unless of course your goal is to always always blame women.
Reasons Why Single Women in Their 40s Should Try the “Cougar” Thing. At Least Briefly.
That posted in the wrong place. It was suppose to tie in with our spirited debate above about the merits of deliberately creating blended families… But I must have hit a wrong key….
- 10 Reasons Why Women Should Date Men In Their 50s | HuffPost.
- Undressed: What’s the Deal With the Age Gap in Relationships?!
- espanola ontario dating.
- best dating sites nyc 2016;
It looks like the age and baby factors have been well handled above. Here are some additional thoughts…. So far that baggage is miles away, but it may not stay there. Think to yourself, Holidays Happen, yes they do. Can it be done? But it takes honesty, authenticity and a HUGE willingness to communicate. Please be careful when power struggles ensue…and they will, all relationships hit bumps like that, even the really weird ones. There are more experiences in life than having babies that he might have already had and be unwilling to revisit.
Kids is of course a huge one. Sue Jones April 16, , 8: Maybe she has had enough of the drama. MiMi April 16, , 8: Talk objectively about what life would look like, how you would manage financially, what would happen if one of you turned out to be infertile, what would happen if either one of you got seriously ill, if one of you became demented by age or accident, if sex was no longer possible, etc.
There are a lot more questions to be answered here than the one you asked…. Kim April 18, , 6: Sorry, but we need to take the lace panties off this pork chop. Either way, I suspect that the woman is going to get disappointed, whether right away or in the future. I know that this is not true for all men. Ask him one simple question: This is especially true if the current sex life is amazing. So when they agree to the woman having a baby, they also know that their amazing sex life is gonna end.
What man would willingly accept that? Ladies, take this as a Golden Rule: April 18, , 8: He sounds like to me a Republican who preaches chastity, religion, and righteousness in public but is really a lying scumbag loser. Republican men always use and abuse young women, why do you think you are any different? If he watches Fox News, dump him and move on. Have you ever seen the movie Say Anything? That movie was life when I was in high school. He was born the year I graduated high school. Lots of people born in the 80s romanticize the era.
They have no idea what it was really like to have a doddering old fogey president who joked about bombing the Soviet Union and diddled while people died of AIDS. Or how to make a budget. Or how not to get arrested for drinking too much. Many of them have no clue about universal relationship boundaries.
I realized later he was keeping her as a back-up. We had many arguments about this girl, as she seemed to be completely obsessed with him. He had a drinking problem, and that was the one insurmountable obstacle. I got a little tired of having to be the sober, responsible one who ends up talking police out of arresting my boyfriend when he went off on a bender. For every life lesson you teach them, you learn something in return.
How Young is Too Young to Date?
Although it may not be what you expect. One of the funnest things about dating younger is staying up to speed with youth culture. When you hang out with younger people, you start to see things with their eyes, which is very cool. As for my family.. I was a goth back in college. I travelled across the country twice. Dating someone nearly 20 years younger barely elicited a reaction from people who know me. But overall, they were very accepting, while also being understandably concerned about the emotional damage such relationships might cause when they ended.
I know there are never any guarantees. Knowing there was an expiration date on these liaisons made them that much more intense. This is why my last relationship ended, ultimately.